It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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