if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
