Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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