Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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