im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
