I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
