Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i now understand why vodka
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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