It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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