either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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