im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
