I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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