you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
