Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
