beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
