eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
