Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
