the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
