Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am available for nakedness
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
