Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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