I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
