so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
