Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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