Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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