Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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