Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
