There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I met the friendliest cop last night
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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