Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
