You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
