I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
