I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
