After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
