Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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