Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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