apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
