I'm jealous of your bromance
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
