I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
