My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
