Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
