It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
