wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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