Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
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