Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
