Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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