He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
