Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
