Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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