No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
