I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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