i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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