We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
