Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
