Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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