That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
