I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Farmville is her only friend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
