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The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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